Release Date:	June 11, 2006
	Platform:	Itself
	Genre:	Hardware
	Developer:	Nintendo
	Publisher:	Nintendo
	MSRB Rating:	N/A
	Price:	$129.99

Note: At the time this review was written the DS Lite had just come out in Japan and still had yet to show up in North America.

It has been a good six and a half minuets since the release of the original Nintendo DS; isn’t it high time for a redesign? I mean the nerve of Nintendo for not giving us another opportunity to spend our giant sacks of money. Fortunately they have finally answered our prayers with the Nintendo DS Lite. A handheld so “lite” and so “brite”; I’m not sure if the big N is competing with Sony or Hasbro (For anyone that didn’t get the joke; don’t worry about it, it’s not that funny).

If the DS Lite was a Victoria Secret Model, the original DS would be that fat ugly chick from school. You know the one I’m talking about; don’t pretend you don’t throw shit at her. Lite surpasses its former self in just about every way. It’s not available for purchase in North America at this point and nobody knows when it will be. I however, (being the nice guy that I am) have imported one just for you guys, but mostly for me.

It’s smaller, its lighter, and it’s glossy as hell. A lot of critics claim it resembles an Apple iPod but that’s bullshit. The Lite has a headphone jack, volume controls and a touch sensitive interface. The iPod theory isn’t looking so good anymore huh?

One change that I particularly like is how this redesign rids itself of a lot of unnecessary girth. In fact the entire bottom eighth of the unit is gone. No longer do you have to gaze at an enormous logo reminding you what system you’re playing; as if the amount of screens wasn’t a dead giveaway.

Mostly everything on the system was moved to more convenient areas. The start and select buttons are now vertically aligned under the A, B, X and Y buttons. The power switch has been moved to the right side of the system and is only activated when lifted for a short while. Finally, no more accidentally turning off Advance Wars when you were like 10 fucking seconds away from completing piece of shit mission 18, GOD DAMMIT! The location of the stylus has also been moved to the right side of the system which is awesome because you don’t have to waste energy moving your hand. All in all the stylus is slightly thinker, slightly longer and slightly the exact same thing as before.

Some other shit was moved around too but nobody cares. There is however one new design feature that makes the DS Lite feasible as an original, worthwhile product. The boys down at Nintendo research and development finally realized that having an empty GBA slot is like having a giant gaping hole where your manhood should be. Not having a game tightly packed into that opening throws off the weight, the grip and the control making it unbearable to continue playing. The solution? A hard plastic insert which can be plugged into the slot to provide for maximum comfort and playability. Of course if you do decide to play a GBA game get used to the idea of having the cartridge stick 40 miles out of your system.

Performance wise it is the exact same product as the original DS. It churns out the same visuals and audio at the same speed. It does however include an updated lighting feature. Instead of only being able to turn the backlit screen off and on you can change the brightness level by using the little sun icon in the corner of the touch screen. There are four different brightness levels you can choose from:

Level 1: Original DS
Level 2: Perfect
Level 3: Blinding
Level 4: Unspeakable

Unless you have a thing for grenades going off in your face, stick with level 2. If you somehow manage to click up to level 4 without losing your vision, you are probably blind to begin with. There is no conceivable reason for any screen to be this bright. It’s unholy. I’ll never be the same. Every day now when I wake up I stare directly at the sun and I have to say: I’m not impressed.

Overall there isn’t much value here beyond that of a standard DS. We don’t know the price point yet, but I can’t imagine it would be anywhere higher then $149.99. It plays the same software and it seems to have the same amount of sturdiness and longevity as the original model (that statement turns out to be false). At the end of the day, it’s all up to your own preferences when decision time comes, which brings me to an interesting topic.

If you own a DS already, do NOT purchase a Lite because it “looks cooler”. I can guarantee you this right now: you don’t look cool with a DS and you won’t look cool with a DS Lite. Don’t believe me? You’re probably right. Next time that bully comes around to beat your ass because you look like a total nerd playing your DS, show him you’re new DS Lite! I’m sure he’ll invite you over to his house to play spin-the-bottle with the cheerleading team.

Verdict: Meh

Now don’t get me wrong. Nintendo DS is the best handheld in the universe and the games for it dominate all other platforms. The DS Lite however might not be worth the cash right away. I say, if you don’t own a DS (somehow), wait for this bitch to come over to our side of the world and pick one up. If you do own a DS, you’re awesome, stick with it.